Finding Worth in the Middle of the Earth -6.18.17

Starting over yet again, looking out the window of my life watching so many people walk past my little stone wall. Is this really what all these years of school was for? To just sit by a window wandering about my career path, my “life” . Ohhh I’m so tired of this unnecessary push for perfection that I plague myself with everyday. Can I blame anyone but myself for this? Is there anyone else to blame for this really? Yes, I could look at society I mean it helps to shape us all or at least shape what we think the idea of “all” is. But maybe it’s time…

The Successful Failure

Each day I wake up with a new idea, a new dream, and aspiration only to realize that just like leaves on a tree they all blow and wither away. Am I not thinking hard enough or trying hard enough. Or maybe it’s my dreams, maybe they aren’t good enough maybe I’m trying to achieve something that just isn’t for me. Could it be? Could it be that all this time I was just living in the clouds about my abilities and talents. I wonder, I wonder if I’m really mean to do great things or am I just great at mediocrity. For real! Have you ever asked yourself the same questions? What were your answers? I don’t know maybe this liquor has me feeling a way, has caught up in my feelings as I long for hope and a place to stay. Wanting someone to believe in me and to take my words as truth and light to see my ideas and invest in me with time and patience. To understand that I’m just trying to make a living, just trying to find the way or could it be that this is the way. Too many glasses of this cheap chardonnay has me feeling as if I could live for centuries and die in days. Can I? Will it let me? Will I be able to escape this mundane existence I’ve created for myself, locked away in an office everyday typing away about people’s lives that are more exciting than mine. People who actually achieved things and who get paid for it, people who climb mountains and have seen seas. While I sit here hoping to achieve the same, what is hope? What is hope if I can’t bring it to fruition, If  I can’t swim the sea, If I can’t–I just cant! I can’t do anything but sip this wine and think of the dream never realized, what type of life is this to live in this office everyday, glancing at people who have no sympathy. They don’t care about the things that bother me. They don’t understand me! What success have I achieved if all I do is interview people about the exciting shit they do?! None. That’s the answer, then I think to myself, ” I really look crazy right now, talking to this glass of wine”. But oh well.

Lover of the Dollar($ign$ of the Time$)

Luxe Life

In today’s society we glorify money or at least the idea of it. We all want the ability to buy what we want and go where we want. I honestly believe there is nothing wrong with wanting this “luxe life”, the wrong only comes from loving this luxe life. Those who have money(like are rich, wealthy, comfy) are essentially financially happy but they often take that as true happiness. True happiness can’t be achieved by wealth but it is happiness when you only have $0.25 Cents in your pocket. Working hard and achieving financial success is a goal of all of ours or at least the financial part is because some people don’t want to work hard. We look at shows like The Kardashians, Gossip Girl, 90210, where money is literally falling out of people’s ass (like literally). These shows have fooled us into thinking that this is achievement and that is not the case. If you want to be “rich” so that you can drive a Porsche then, merp, by all means take your advice from Kim K.  If you want to be “rich” so that you can pay off your student loans and take care of your family, work your ass off.  2nd Timothy 2:3 states( Oh Lord, he’s going to the Bible),People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive… Basically, don’t love money because it is not promised nor are the material things you can get with it.  So my advice to you is to love the life not the money.

DAY 1: Damage does not mean broken.

Webster’s defines damage as causing harm or to cause problems in or for something. It also defines broken as shattered or fractured. Fixed is defined as being whole or able to work properly again. In life we are faced with many obstacles and those obstacle help shape us into the individuals we are today. Everyone regardless of age, gender, height, race, social status, and orientation has been through something. We all are “damaged” however just because we are damaged, it does not mean we have no other purpose. Just because we are damaged does not mean we are broken. We have the capacity and the capability to be fixed, just like your car or your favorite pair of jeans. Your car may have a dent or a flat tire but it can still be repaired. Your jeans may have a hole in them but all it takes is patience and thread. If your car is a little damaged or your jeans are a little torn, it doesn’t mean you’re going to throw them away; most likely you’re going to fix them. These items are just like the human heart and soul, you feel a little damaged or have scrapes and bruises but you have the ability to be healed. There are certain things that we must go through while on this Earth and those things only make us stronger. We have the power to pick ourselves up after being pushed down or clean ourselves off after dirt has been thrown on us. You have been through a lot but it doesn’t mean you’re done. The things in your life that has caused you to be damaged, hurt, or sad have not broken you. You can still be fixed. Damage does not mean broken.