We Don’t Need That Now

We are here to look into the eyes of the thing that scares us the most, ourselves. We are frightened of all that we can do and be but the reason for that fear is not because we aren’t capable it’s because we aren’t simply depending on ourselves. Our fates, our plans, our dreams … no matter how hard we fight are always in the hands of others. Our success is in the hands of others but what is certain is that we can make plans that will continue to be just that, plans. However, what we have to give emotionally, spiritually, physically is not simple. Being caught up in the sad reality that we are not authors of our own fate as once thought of before is a big fat LIE! We do have a little control, a little say in how and where our success comes from, it’s called acceptance. Instead of letting people define us, we define ourselves by accepting all that we are and aren’t and all the power we have to control our destiny. There’s a saying I like to say to myself and I repeat it to myself everyday.

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”  – Reinhold Neibuhr

The next time you doubt yourself or your ability or come to this realization that I have known for a while. Remind yourself that you “don’t need this now.” There is more to life and to your success than just you and although plans and fates can be manipulated by others. They can never stop your progress, just slow you down.

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Cry Out: Flowers

Among the roses lie the dying flowers, broken into pieces, searching for life.  The life has left them and all that is left are the wilted petals. So many layers to this flower but we only choose to see it as dying, we do not wish to pick this flower because it’s not “beautiful”. The flower cries out to be picked, cries out to be pretty too. Cry out flower, someone will hear you someone will replenish your roots with water. Someone will save you, if you are worth saving. Someone will heal you if you produce the scent that they want. Someone will pick you but should you be picked? Cry out until your tears make you grow again. Cry out until you bloom.

Whispers controlled.

“Slightly disrupted from this uncomfortable situation. Why would she do that ? Trust ? What happened to that, I thought I could depend on her and I thought she loved me? Disappointed is how I feel.” That’s all he could think, all he could muster up was a million questions with no answers as he catches his mom in the most uncomfortable situation.  ( More coming soon ) 

Finding Worth in the Middle of the Earth-6.25.2017

4AM?! Yep that’s the time I had to get up today because of another issue on that thing sitting on my nightstand. That thing that has us all hypnotized by it’s sleek metal and glass melding together to create our planners, “lives”, relationships! Oh how I wish I could throw this fine piece of glass and metal against the wall. Woken up again with the same old story and maybe that’s what the issue is, it’s the same old story some days change others remain the same but here I am again caught in this rhyming game. I know that there is more out there because who would’ve imagined this little piece of glass and metal running our whole lives, who would’ve dreamt it?! I tell you who, a rich son of a… There is so much that I can achieve but am I ready for it, being a little fish in this big pond (boring analogy, I know) can be so annoying. The potential lies within me, it lies within us all but taking that next step can sometimes be frightening especially at 4am…

The Successful Failure

Each day I wake up with a new idea, a new dream, and aspiration only to realize that just like leaves on a tree they all blow and wither away. Am I not thinking hard enough or trying hard enough. Or maybe it’s my dreams, maybe they aren’t good enough maybe I’m trying to achieve something that just isn’t for me. Could it be? Could it be that all this time I was just living in the clouds about my abilities and talents. I wonder, I wonder if I’m really mean to do great things or am I just great at mediocrity. For real! Have you ever asked yourself the same questions? What were your answers? I don’t know maybe this liquor has me feeling a way, has caught up in my feelings as I long for hope and a place to stay. Wanting someone to believe in me and to take my words as truth and light to see my ideas and invest in me with time and patience. To understand that I’m just trying to make a living, just trying to find the way or could it be that this is the way. Too many glasses of this cheap chardonnay has me feeling as if I could live for centuries and die in days. Can I? Will it let me? Will I be able to escape this mundane existence I’ve created for myself, locked away in an office everyday typing away about people’s lives that are more exciting than mine. People who actually achieved things and who get paid for it, people who climb mountains and have seen seas. While I sit here hoping to achieve the same, what is hope? What is hope if I can’t bring it to fruition, If  I can’t swim the sea, If I can’t–I just cant! I can’t do anything but sip this wine and think of the dream never realized, what type of life is this to live in this office everyday, glancing at people who have no sympathy. They don’t care about the things that bother me. They don’t understand me! What success have I achieved if all I do is interview people about the exciting shit they do?! None. That’s the answer, then I think to myself, ” I really look crazy right now, talking to this glass of wine”. But oh well.